Do you have any Skeletons in your closet (secrets you plan on taking to the grave since you don’t want anyone to know about them)? Have you ever did something so bad, you thought God was mad at you? Or He didn’t want you anymore? Do you feel like you can’t go to church because you’re not 100% right? Or you’re not just falling into sin, you’re diving into it? Been there, done that! I repented and turned my life around. Moreover, I have good news for you; DESPITE YOUR PAST, GOD STILL WANTS TO USE YOU! Yes, you! If He could reach me, He can reach you!
Church Girl Foundation
I was born and raised in the church. Growing up as a P.G.K (Preachers Grand Kid) lol I just made that up because both of my parents are p.k’s; anywho my siblings and I were forced to go to church throughout the week. I can remember it like it was yesterday. Monday nights were Young People Meetings. Tuesday nights were Bible Study. Wednesday night Prayer, Choir rehearsals were on Thursdays and Saturdays. Friday nights were Evangelistic services, plus we had two services on Sundays. I know you’re like Whoa! That’s 7 days a week! That’s a lot of Church. You’re absolutely right.
In addition, my mother is from Texas so when we were on vacation visiting family, we still had to go to Church. We couldn’t get out of it. My grandfather did not play. As long as we were down there, he made us join auxiliaries. My siblings and I joined the choir, even though we didn’t know the songs. We thought it was hilarious. You better believe we were some great lip synchronizers. With all that being said, I had no reason to turn away from God, right? Of course not, since we learned about Jesus and His instructions literally “ALL” the time.
Truth is, back then I didn’t understand why we had a lot of Church services. However, as a Christian (Christ-follower) it was our way of life. My parents were doing what they were supposed to “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). The only way we could get out of Church was if we played sports or had a lot of homework. Needless to say, I ran Track, played Volleyball, Softball, Basketball and I always had homework. However, I can’t deny the fact that when I went into the International Gospel Center in Ecorse, the atmosphere was anointed! I felt the presence of God and it was unmatched. I could dwell in His presence for a while. It felt like LoVe, joy, peace, freedom and so much more. It made going to Church a lot, worthwhile.
On the contrary, I must admit as a teenager I didn’t pay attention in service at times. By the time it was over, I wouldn’t be able to tell you what the message was about. Even though I didn’t pay attention as much as I thought I wasn’t, seeds were actually being planted by God every single time. I practiced doing right and being good because I desired to please God, my mom, and my dad. My dad taught us about Christ at home as well. He would make us join hands in prayer before school and read scriptures together. We couldn’t escape from the Word. At one point I was saved and knew it all. Feeling grown, you couldn’t tell me anything! I thought I was better than some of the other sinners and knew I wasn’t going to do what everybody else did. After all, how could they fall into sin so easily?
Running from God
When I was 18, we didn’t go to Church as much as we did when we were younger. My dad began using drugs and my mom was going through a lot because we started losing everything. I rebelled and found myself doing things I said I would never do. Just like the people I judged, the ones I said I wouldn’t be like. Sin took me down a dark path. Despite being in a room full of people; I struggled with loneliness, stress, depression and having suicidal thoughts. The struggle to find my identity was real. I would feel overwhelmed as if life was too much, even though it was only the beginning of adulthood.
It’s Crazy I used to think I knew it all. I thought I was perfect, not realizing how far I was from perfection. I cracked the door for the enemy and he pushed it wide open. The day I realized we weren’t being forced to go to Church anymore, I was Ecstatic! Jumping for joy, I yelled “Yes! We don’t have to go to church anymore!!!” But when I heard myself say it out loud, conviction set in. I said to myself, “Ooh! That doesn’t sound right”. I should want to go to church. At that moment, I recognized I didn’t have a good relationship with God for myself. I knew Him a little, but I mainly knew Him through my parents.
Shockingly, I received many Words (prophecies through ministers) about what God desired for my life. Even though I felt unworthy, I realized God had a specific purpose and plan I didn’t know about. However, I knew I couldn’t continue disobeying His instructions. “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 6:23). It was humbling to find out despite my past sins, failures, and disappointments, God still wanted to use me. In addition, I LoVe the fact that He didn’t throw me away when I chose to leave Him. He had His arms wide open awaiting my return. Not only that, He chased me down! “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent” (Luke 15:4-7).
He Uses The Foolish To Shame The Wise
At first, I disqualified myself because of my hidden skeletons in the closet. Then I realized the Bible was full of imperfect people God chose to use. Peter was a cusser, Moses a murderer, Saul a Martyr, David an adulterer, and let’s not forget to mention the Samaritan woman at the well. Lord knows she had many skeletons in her closet. However, Jesus met her where she was at; when no one was around, He reached her. She was married multiple times but because of her testimony “He told me everything I ever did”, she had many Samaritans from her town believe in Christ. So despite their past sins, all of them made it into scriptures in the Bible. God also used some of them to write parts of the Bible. Who would’ve thought God would use them as examples to help change the world? He finally caught my attention. His unconditional LoVe captivated me. He was thinking about me when I wasn’t thinking about Him. I began applying the Word to my life. Thinking, believing and knowing He knows everything I ever did and He still LoVes me. Moreover, Jesus thought I was worthy enough to die for (my sins), just in case I receive Him.
“No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him [giving him the desire to come to Me] and I will raise him up [from the dead] on the last day” (John 6:44). I desired change and wanted God to be the head of my life. I went on a mission to establish a greater relationship with Him. I’m grateful for the foundation my parents laid when they took us to church all the time. Needless to say, I knew where to run. I needed to chase after the one who chased me. Desperately needing to find out what He had planned for my life, I told God if He would bless me with a car, I would start coming to Church to learn more about Him. When He answered my prayers, my journey began. I kept my word and started going to church on my own.
Facing Fear Of The Unknown
I remember I went to the altar to repent and receive prayer. Someone prayed for me, not knowing what I had need of from God. As I silently asked for His forgiveness, they said “God forgives you”. I instantly broke down because I wholeheartedly repented. I desired His forgiveness and I got it. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). Grateful and excited because I got what I was looking for, I left Church feeling free. “And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more” (John 8:11).
Little did I know, the very next day I would fall right back into sin again. Oh my gosh, I thought to myself; What in the world? Lord this is much harder than I thought. I spent so much time feeding this fleshly beast inside of me, my spiritual man was starving and didn’t have any strength. I had to re-evaluate and do a lot of things differently. Like the old saying goes “In order to get something you’ve never had, you have to do something you’ve never done”. I had to shut the door on the enemy by creating boundaries and standards. I wasn’t happy with just being saved, I had to be delivered so I pursued it. It was inevitable to pray, read, fast and seek God’s will for my life. The safest place to be is in His will. I felt the presence of God when I was doing right. So believe me when I tell you, I know what it feels like to not feel His presence at all. Changing wasn’t easy but the more I closed the door on the enemy (denying my flesh), the stronger my spiritual man grew.
Letting Go of Skeletons
Oftentimes, I couldn’t get back to the place I once was (in Christ) because of my hidden skeletons. I was distracted by meaningless things. But I’m happy to say I am further along now than I’ve ever been before. I stopped judging others and learned how to be quiet. In as much, I had to ask people to forgive me and more importantly I had to forgive myself. “Though your (my) sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool” (Isaiah 1:18). Jesus was worth sacrificing my pride, wants and personal desires. While I was acting a fool, Jesus shed blood for me, forgave me, gave me grace and hope to rest in. He saved, washed, delivered, broke addiction and reached down to cleanse me from all unrighteousness. In addition, He lifted me up out of stress, depression and cast down all suicidal thoughts. Dusting me off from low self-esteem and feelings of unworthiness, He Wiped my past clean and blessed me just because He LoVes me.
I’m forever grateful for what Christ did for me. He set me free! With all that being said, I’ve been running for my life ever since. So as I stated from the beginning if he could do it for me, He can do it for you. He’ll meet you where you are and meet every need in your life. You don’t have to come to God changed, 100% right. Come to Him and allow Him to change you. Thanks to God, I have forgiven myself by releasing the years of guilt and shame I held on to. I let go of the skeletons in my closet at a Women’s Retreat in 2018 with almost 400 women in attendance. I felt lead to share my testimony which ultimately helped deliver many of the women there. The power of God overtook those women. Many were saved, delivered and set free. I’ll post the link to the message I brought forth here when I have time.
In conclusion, all have sinned and fallen short… Sometimes you make mistakes but try your hardest not to repeat the same mistakes. Don’t continue in sin. Whatever you sow, you will reap the consequences. Don’t let anyone discourage you from talking to God every day. He LoVes you. He wants to heal you, restore and fill every empty void in your life. Having a relationship with Him is everything. He is what we need. I feel so full in Christ. The church is now my perspective. I don’t go seven times a week, but I think it’s great for people to go a few times out of the week. One day is definitely not enough. Who would’ve thought He would use me? Giving me spiritual dreams, interceding on other’s behalf, prophesying, laying hands, writing plays and speaking to youth/ women today? Who would’ve thought He would want to use you? Don’t let the enemy keep you down! Do the opposite of what he wants. Go to church when you don’t want to. Keep learning, growing and changing daily. Lift up your hands and worship when you don’t feel like it. Don’t trust your feelings all the time. Return to your first love (Christ). He will never lie, leave nor forsake you. He remains close to the brokenhearted.
Jesus LoVers put God First and plan your day around Him. There are many benefits by being on His side, I’ve seen it first hand. Jesus is our example. He was the only perfect man and I want my life to reflect Him. When people see me, I want them to see His light shining through me. Sin separates you from God but nothing or no one can separate you from the “LoVe” God has for you. Keep your eyes on the prize. Tomorrow is not promised so while you still have time repent, go and sin no more.
Everybody can’t come with you on your new journey. You have to let go of everything that’s not like God. Especially if it’s not pushing you towards your destiny. Changing was the best decision I made. When I turned, He turned everything in my life around. My past doesn’t dictate my future. I’ll never turn away from Him again. Every day I make steps to be pleasing in His sight. In Christ, you are an overcomer. You’re the head and not the tail, above all and not beneath. Being used by Him is way better than being used by anyone else. He is the lifter of your head and the LoVer of your soul. He will help you release all the skeletons in your closet. Your secrets you planned on taking to the grave is not a secret to Him. Your testimony can help bring others out of what you’ve been through. But everyone doesn’t need to know all of your business, ask God to give you wisdom when and who to share it with. Here’s a play I wrote on how someone let go of the Skeletons in their closet.
Lord thank you for receiving me. Thank you for not counting me out. I praise you for who you are and what you’ve done. I believe you are the son of God, you died and rose on the 3rd day. Forgive me for every sin, everything that’s not like you. Create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me. Save me, I want to be saved. God, I trust you with all that I have & all I hold on to. I’m letting go of all my skeletons, distractions & everything of the past that keeps me from moving towards my destiny. I surrender and give it up. Destroy every yoke. Wash me in your blood and fill me with your spirit. Help me to forget the things which are behind, in the name of Jesus I pray. Amen