How To Know If He’s The One?
Dating can be a hassle for many! You have to create standards and make sure you’re dating with a purpose. Now let’s just say after tirelessly dating around, you’ve probably found someone you’re willing to turn in your playa’s card for. Then you realize things are going great, maybe a little too great. It may seem like your situationship is too good to be true. So you find yourself asking Girl, is he the one? Or how to know if he’s the one? If you’re ready to take it to the next level, you have to get answers. Hopefully, after reading this blog you’ll know the answers to your questions.
I’ve heard people say they hate starting over and telling the same old stories from the beginning of their lives until the present. And when you think about it, it can be over 20 years worth of stories. However, that’s the beauty of sharing your life with someone. Learning about someone’s background is important because you don’t want to find out later on that you’re stuck in a crazy family with a crazy mate. Nah bruh, let’s talk- I need to know everything about you, your momma, your papi and your grandpa.
You will be asked a ton of questions such as where are you from, why are you still single, what are you looking for in a mate and how/why did your last relationship end? This can be annoying but it is totally understandable because you’re looking for “The One”. If you want to find out if he’s the one, you both have to unlock the vault and share some things (not all) so you can get to know each other better.
Dating is for collecting data. Watch all the signs and pay close attention to his words. If a guy tells you he’s not looking for a relationship and you are, he’s not the one at the moment. No matter how much you like him. If he says he doesn’t want kids and you do, let him go. If the one you’re dating is not playing games, he will tell you upfront what he’s expecting out of the relationship with you.
As a matter of fact, actions speak louder than words. He will show you if he’s the one for you. In as much, no matter what he says or does, don’t lower your standards to make him fit into your life. Ask all kinds of questions before taking the next step. You need to know if you’re just a cool friend in the friend zone or if you’re headed into a great relationship.
Be specific. Let him know what your intentions are. Tell him what you’re looking for in a mate and what you plan on being to him. A man wants what he wants and will let you know if you are it. A call or two out of the day and a few texts will go a long way.
Be patient grasshopper. Everybody doesn’t want to be married or in a relationship. However, both of your relationship goals should ultimately match up. Most importantly, pray, make sure he’s the one God sent. Because you may not pick the right one but God knows who’s best for you. He will send them when the time is right. Don’t get distracted by time wasters.
Friends With Benefits = Blurred Lines
Nothing good comes out of having a friend with benefits. Not only is it a sin against your body, but it also clouds your judgment. Never cross the line with a friend. Catching feelings is completely out of the question. You don’t want to put 100% into something he’s only putting 1% into because you will be hurt in the end. So if he told you upfront what his intentions were, you can’t get mad at him because you brushed it off and caught feelings.
Some people will take whatever they can from you because you were willing to give it. If they can’t give you what you need, let them go. Do what’s best for you. It’s OK to walk away and move forward. A man can only do what you allow him to.
Always A Bridesmaid, Never A Bride
Are you a Forever Girlfriend? Have you put a time limit on your dating life with your mate? If not, you need to before years fly by, then it hits you; you wasted precious time on someone going nowhere. Don’t wait forever! Remember you’re dating for a purpose. Marriage should be your ultimate goal. God honors marriage.
Don’t give too much. If you treat him like a husband, giving him all the husband benefits; it may become a boyfriend expectation. Many rewards should be given after marriage. They should have something to look forward to. You’re not just girlfriend material, you’re wife material. Choose not to be a forever girlfriend. Always stand firm with your standards for every relationship or friendship you encounter.
He’s Just Not That Into You
Girl, is he the one? Or are you trying to make him the one? Don’t ignore the signs if he’s just not that into you like you are to him. As the saying goes, if someone shows you who they are, believe them. No one should ever disrespect you by hitting or calling you out of your name. If he’s the one, he will LoVe, honor and cherish you. He won’t keep using you, taking from you and never giving to you. What’s your LoVe language? Your needs & LoVe Language should be met in your relationship. What are you getting out of it?
If you’re never invited to special family functions or if he never takes you out in public, he’s just not that into you. That says a lot if he doesn’t want to be seen with you. He may feel you’re below his standards and are only using you for something he wants sexually. Especially if he only calls you late at night and he’s been off of work for hours. You’re not a booty call sis! If he ignores your calls and texts when you need attention, ignore his late responses and block him. Then he should feel how you feel.
More than likely, you’re probably one girl in rotation with other girls on his phone. He does what he wants and gets back to you whenever he’s bored with the other ones. Get rid of the “side chick mentality”. Never settle for second place to any chick. Runner up girls look like thirst buckets. They don’t win the Holidays with the guy, they still eat alone -sniffing behind someone else’s man.
Don’t be a thirsty loser with leftovers! Stop chasing someone who doesn’t want you! It’s draining, embarrassing and it gets old- forever waiting, always used and never chosen. Quench your thirst at your own sink and remember Jesus will fill every void so you can be whole. When you’re whole, you won’t accept things that are not of God.
But not you, you have standards for a reason; don’t lower them because you get bored. Moreover, if he LoVes you, he will never put you in situations where you have to act out of character. Don’t go to jail for anybody, period sis! You don’t need a mugshot on your record because he cheated and you showed up at someone else’s house to set it off. Live Drama Free! No one has the right to interrupt your peace. Protect it at all costs. If he pops up at your house, don’t let him in. You have the power to keep the doors locked!
Girl, Is He The One? Or Does He Break Up, To Make Up
I have a nonchalant personality. And When it came to dating, I didn’t play nor did I have time for games. My perspective was once I broke up with someone, I was done done. I would think, what’s so bad someone would continuously call it quits and when they changed their mind; string you along and get back together again? I couldn’t handle that annoying cycle. My belief was to break up with someone if you knew he wasn’t the one or if it was major. Like the saying goes “Let the chips fall where they may”. Otherwise put in the work and whether the storms together.
How Did I Know My Husband Was The One?
My husband and I met online at 17 years old. You can read about how “I Married A Man I Met Online” after this blog (It’s crazy). Those were the years where we crossed over into adulthood. We were always busy in college and working. He lived on the east side and I lived on the west side of Detroit. We saw each other as much as we could and we were totally into each other. However, I still had to take a step back and ask myself Girl, is he the one? Because it wasn’t always easy. But the challenges we faced together couldn’t tear us apart. We refused to throw in the towel. We had too many soulmate signs.
Throughout our dating years, our schedules didn’t match up. However, we pushed through and made it work. Besides being in school and working full-time, I also had to babysit on weekends. Which was overwhelming at times, plus I missed a lot of sleep.
One day my husband (boyfriend at the time) wanted to go out after a busy week, I was exhausted and totally not in the mood. My bed was calling me but he was willing to drive 45 minutes away to come to get me. Wondering if I should go or not, I asked my auntie Carolyn and she said “ It’s good he wants to spend time with you and take you out. It’s better it’s with you, than some other girl.” At that moment I mustered up whatever strength I had to beautify myself, fix my hair, put a cute outfit on and awaited his arrival. Those words have stuck with me ever since. Quality time is one of his LoVe languages. So I found out when you LoVe someone, you do the things you don’t want to because it will make them happy.
Another time I was working crazy hours and he wanted to see me on my lunch break but I didn’t have time for him. Back then, I took my laptop to work and did homework on my breaks. College papers were due all the time. I would only get two 15 minute breaks and one 30 minute break.
However, I still told him he could visit me but he couldn’t say anything because I had to focus. He complied, came on time, we greeted each other and he sat quietly just enjoying my presence. I was simply blessed to be in his wonderful presence as well. The fact that he respected my drive made me LoVe him even more. I knew he LoVed me. He must’ve figured out my LoVe language is actions. It doesn’t take much to make me happy.
Is he the one that will wait for you? Celibacy should be one of your standards. Your body is a prize. Abstinence will help guard your heart and mind. Plus, It’s easier to let someone go if you didn’t have sex with them. Especially if he’s not the one for you. If God said do not have sex before marriage, it was a reason behind it. Needless to say, you can get a soul tie (attachment) with the individual. And with cloudy judgment, you may find yourself breaking all your rules and settling for stupidity. Such as a guy doing crazy stuff and you wonder why you keep going back to him, finding it hard to let go.
1 Cor 6:19 States “Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit… You are bought with a price…” You are worth more than rubies. Your body is a reward for him after marriage. He can have you whenever he wants because the purpose of dating would be fulfilled. The hard work you both put in for building the relationship, on a solid foundation, is worth belonging to each other forever.
My husband and I were celibate for a few years before we married. We went to church together and vowed to keep God first in our relationship. We chose to wait on each other, which was hard at times but with the help of God, we did it easily. He took me out on dates, we talked on the phone and kept each other happy outside of the home/bedroom. We had a lot of fun. It was well worth the wait and we’re blessed to be living our best lives.
My goal was to be in God’s will so we could have a blessed union. I fasted and prayed a year up until our wedding, making sure he was the one God had for me. I asked God to show me signs if he wasn’t the one. In as much, I knew he was husband material because he treated me right, made it known that I was his girlfriend and many other ways. Our marriage has had many ups and downs but overall it has been a blessing since we made God the head of it.
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?” 2 Cor 6:14-15
If he’s husband material, he will never put his hands on you, control or separate you from your LoVed ones. Tell someone if you’re going through abuse. Don’t keep it a secret. The one will add to your life as well as be approved by your family. If your family LoVes you and carries wisdom, they will tell you the truth. They also may see what you don’t see because you’re blinded by LoVe or shall I say lust.
Husband material won’t treat you like rotten fruit; picking, using, touching all over you and then when he’s done, tossing you back in for the next random guy. He wouldn’t give another man the opportunity to have a chance with you. They’d be willing to fight for you.
When You Find The One
Don’t let anyone treat you like a revolving door; coming in and out of your life whenever they please. You are the one who decides if they’re worth your time, effort and energy. He shouldn’t get multiple opportunities to reject you and say he doesn’t want you in 10 different ways. Throw yourself a going away party. If you forgot some items at his house, leave it. Tell him he can throw it away along with the toxic relationship you left. Run and don’t look back. Your self-worth and self-LoVe should be too high to accept foolishness.
If he LoVes you he would never put you in situations where you have to act out of character. He would have his stuff together while pursuing greater possibilities for your futures. He wouldn’t cheat on you, nor put you in situations where you can catch a disease.
If he LoVes you, he can put God 1st and wait to have sex with you until he marries you. He would also give you a TITLE calling you his girl, girlfriend, woman, wifey, main squeeze or something! Happily letting the world know about you and telling the thirst buckets they don’t have a chance! Don’t be the secret faceless/nameless girl he doesn’t claim on his social media pages, allowing randoms to step into his DM.
The one will LoVe the weird things about you and won’t try to change you. Unless something needs to change for you both to better yourselves. Continuous growth is great in order to have a healthy relationship. You both will enjoy each other’s presence to the point where it seems like no one else is around. Girl, is he the one quizzes can be found on the internet, take the Relationship Quiz to see how compatible you both are.
He’s The One
No one is perfect but he’s the one if he accepts you with your flaws and all. You will be able to talk to each other about any and everything. Moreover, you won’t keep secrets from each other. You will also laugh together more than cry together. He will be like your best friend; correcting you when you’re wrong as well as uplifting and consoling you when you’re down. He will listen to you ramble about your dreams, wants and needs as he helps you fulfill them. In addition, you can trust him because he proved himself worthy of your trust. Trust is earned and not freely given without consistent loyalty.
He’s the one if he has most of his stuff together, not a needy person asking you for things all the time. Because if you always rescue someone, it becomes draining. They must do the work for themselves. Being stable, maintaining what you have is a plus. The one can offer you what you can offer them. You will complete each other. You don’t have to be exactly the same but you don’t have to be extremely different. Be interesting, not like any other. In as much, conversations must have substance or you will get bored quickly if you don’t have anything in common.
In conclusion, my husband and I started at small beginnings so of course one doesn’t have to be rich to prove he’s into you. However, he can show you in many different ways. When he appreciates you, your heart will leap, your smile will increase and your peace remains uninterrupted. You may go on a small roller coaster ride as you learn each other and grow, but it will be well worth it. With God first, the good days will outweigh the bad days. Here’s a great read for your journey 10 Rules of Dating.
Are You The One?
Can you bring to the table everything you’re asking someone else to bring? If so, then you are worth a lot. I hope you realize you were bought with a price (Jesus) and you’re worth dying for. You should be treated like a Queen and treat your man like a King. Hopefully, this article helps you realize if he’s the one or not. I don’t want you waking up 10 years later complaining because you chose not to share stories and start all over again. Don’t settle if he’s not the one for you. If you meet someone online read my Top 10 Safety Tips before meeting them in public. Remember “If any relationship does not give birth to change then any future association is unnecessary” A.U.
Lord, I thank you for allowing me to come to your throne. I thank you for everything you’ve done and I praise you for who you are. Lord, Is he the one? If he is, I truly thank you for sending him, help us work things out so our relationship can be fruitful. If he’s not, take him away from me. Don’t let me ignore the signs and chase a man who rejects me. Forgive me for putting a man before you. I appreciate you for opening my eyes. Help me to keep you first in my life. Don’t let me compromise my values for a guy or friend. Give me wisdom, knowledge, and understanding. Help me to get stronger in my stance and celibacy. Give me the courage to close doors on all relationships that’s not beneficial to me. In Jesus’ name, Amen.